Desultory Mentations

I'm spending a weekday at home after long. I mean a weekday where everyone else is working, and I'm not. Ofcourse there have been public holidays. I have a leave today since exams begin tomorrow. I really want to write - I know not what shall I write though.

The light is coming back to life. Have been spending more time with friends, being more open hearted now. I haven't been analysing everything that everyone says in too deep now. It's too stressful to do that. So have been taking things and people on their face value. Keeps you fresh and going.

I'm supposed to be neck deep in studying right now - but just can't concentrate. Heck.. okay, I'll probably do random things I feel like doing and then try to tie myself down with business management later.

The television is switched on and playing a popular bollywood song. I cannot hear it, since it's muted. But this song is familiar and that is why I recognize it. I wonder why, but I tend to do this often - leave the television and on mute - with random non sensical imagery on its screen. I don't want to unmute it, since I find it not too pleasing to hear.. need some calm. But I refuse to turn it off too. Whilst I am deeply engrossed in looking at the computer screen, reading, on phone, or just lying there. Why do I do this? I don't know. I wonder what sort of comfort it gives me to have multiple rays of light create images of people in colorful outfits jump and scream their guts out - screams I cannot hear... or choose not to.

I'll write later... I'm not thinking clearly right now.

Love,

Devil's Own

Bound and Tagged...

100 Questions...

1. Last drink: water

2. Last phone call : someone from kotak trying to sell insurance to me
3. Last text message: Last 2 days of Crossword Travel Fest. Special offer for all Book Reward members.
4. Last song you listened to: Aaj rapat jaye to humein na uthaiyyo, is playing on TV right now :D
5. Last time you cried: A week back... No I’m not a cry baby. It takes a lot to make me cry, and I NEVER ever cry in public. But you do break down at times, and it’s good to let out pressure building up inside

Have You Ever...

6. Dated someone twice: I have never “dated dated”... been in a relationship – yes. Does that answer this question?

7. Been cheated on? I hope not. Not that I know of and I’d rather not know actually.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Nope, you need to be in your senses always so you don’t have any regrets.
9. Lost someone special? yes
10. Been depressed? Yes, and been prescribed anti-depressants. Thankfully, snapped out of it without having to take any of those within days.
11. Been drunk and threw up? Never been drunk, but do intend to get drunk at least once in my lifetime. Wanna know what the fuss is all about.

Four Favourite Colors...

12. Black
13. Gold

14. The color of water. Yes I know it doesn’t have any, but to my eyes it has all the colors in the world and a beautiful looking substance
15. Green, Brown, Blue... ok yes i know i was supposed to write 4 colors, but it’s unfair to the other colors. I like all colors. And no permanent favourites other than black, but have momentary addictions to particular colors from time to time

Firsts...
16. Made new friends: Kindergarten. Ushma, Sudeepti, Abhijeet, Ninad
17. Fallen out of love: uummmmm...
18.Laughed until you cried: Everyday. For some reason I laugh way too much. Snap and I’d laugh 
19. Met someone who changed you:  This is a difficult one, I feel everyone we meet or see for even a remote instance affects us and the way we think. So I don’t think I have a specific answer to this question. I am what I am because of the life I’ve lived, the things I’ve seen and heard and felt and the people I’ve met.
20. Found out who your true friends were: I’m not sure... I don’t quite analyze and classify friends as true or untrue. All of us are humans, and we hang out with people we like to. There are times that we too fail to stand by someone through the thick and the thin. We need to understand that it’s ok if someone doesn’t stand by you. You need to stand by yourself and still not lose faith. Strong is stronger when alone.

21. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh always. It’s ok. You’ll talk about people, people will talk about you. It’s not always bad even though it’s annoying at times

Have You...

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: what friend list?
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: what friend list are we talking about?
24. How many kids do you want to have: Dozens! J
25. Do you have any pets: Not yet, but I do intend to have a St. Bernard a little later once I have the space and time
26. Do you want to change your name: It’s a pretty common name yes, but Nope
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Kicked the hell out of my roomie’s personal balti J. No I wasn’t drunk or demented... will probably write about it sometime. But my birthdays aren’t grand celebrations, and for some reasons turn out to be worse than regular days.
28. What time did you wake up today: 0720 hrs

29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Wading through the pages of the latest issue of Vogue
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I’m an impatient person, so I can’t wait for anything. But uhmm.. I can’t wait for: a promotion, a car, a house of my own, a huge cute dog of my own, start travelling alone... quite a lot
31. Last time you saw your father: June 2007
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I’m what I am because of the way life’s been. It’s been tough in many patches, but that has taught me a lot and has made me a stronger and a better person. So I don’t want to change my life.
33. Most visited web page: Google devta

What's Your...
34. Name: eh? Nidhi – means treasure
35. Nicknames: I have a 5 letter name, that doesn’t really leave scope for nicknames.. but people call me Nidhu, Nidz, Nidhumal, Nidz, Mithi, Niki, Toofan Mail, Matki

36. Zodiac sign: Taurus
37. Male or female or transgender: ???
38. Elementary: SSSVV
39. School: SSSVV

40. Colleges: IIPS DAVV, NMIMS
41.Hair color: Black
42. Long or short: Long 
43. Height: 5’6”
44. Do you have a crush on someone? No
45. Ever been in love? Yes
46. Piercings? Four in each ear
47. Tattoos? Not Yet
48. Righty or lefty: Right handed
49. First surgery: None
50. First piercing: Ear piercings when i was a baby. I don’t remember when
51. First best friend: Sudeepti/Ushma/Pinku
52. First sport you loved: Tennis. (I’m more into video games actually – Mario, Spartan, Galaxian, Lode Runner, Bomber Man, Tetris, Adventure Island, Mortal Kombat, Tekken, AOE et al)
53. First pet: A parrot called Mitthoo.. who we set free after less than a week since we did not want to keep a bird trapped in a tiny cage.
54. First vacation: Simla probably
55. First concert: Parikrama

56. First crush: Satyarth

Right Now...
57. Eating: Nothing (I’m super hungry though)
58. Drinking: Nothing
59. I'm about to: Eat Soup
60. Listening to: The pressure cooker whistle
61. Waiting for:  Nothing?

Your Future...
62. Want kids? By the DOZENS
63. Want to get married? Sure
64. Careers in mind? Certainly. A lot of things on this list – climb up the corporate ladder, write, edit, paint, travel..

Which is better with the opposite sex...??
65. Lips or eyes: I can’t choose one
66. Hugs or kisses: Both again.
67. Shorter or taller: Much taller preferably 6 feet’ish
68. Older or Younger: Older
69. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously Romantic
70. Nice stomach or nice arms: Abs... Or stomach if you want to call it that. No GI Joes with humongous arms for me  :p
71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
72. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
73. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hmmm... hesitant

Have you ever...??
73. Kissed a stranger: Nope 
74. Lost glasses/contacts: Never wore any

75. Sex on first Date: Nope
76. Broken someone's heart: I hope not, but I might have. So if I have, it wasn’t intentional
77. Had your own heart broken: Heart broken? I don’t know... I like to call it been let down. Yes. 
78. Been arrested: Nope
79. Turned someone down: Yes, quite a few

80. Cried when someone died: Yes
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? ?!?!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
82. Yourself: More than anything else
83. Miracles: Yes
84. God: Yes with all my heart. But, to me God is a power that surpasses all. God is not a creature, god does not have a form. I’m not religious, and you won’t see me folding my hands in front of an idol or image of lord everyday. Religious places make me feel peaceful because people believe they’ve come to visit god and the atmosphere is something. I don’t feel the need to be at a place or in a particular position to communicate with God.
85. Love at first sight: Only with a Bag/Dress/Pair of Shoes
86. Heaven: Heaven is where you want to be. If this means one of the two places you go to after you die, Nope.
87. Santa Claus: I would like to believe in him, but no i don’t.
88. Kiss on the first date? I don’t know, like I said.. I’ve never “dated” as such.. But I don’t see why there should be a problem
89. Angels: I believe in positive energy in/around people
90. Devils: I believe in negative energy in/around people

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
91. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes
92. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Nope

93. Wanted to kill someone ever? Heheh, we all say – I want to kill that guy!!!! But, No - of course not.
94. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Whoever made this set of questions is obsessed with kissing, that might not be the only thing on everyone’s mind all the time no? Haha, no kissing please!

95. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Is there anyone who’s say no to this? We’re human, we make mistakes. Blunder is a synonym for a mistake.
96. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? Nope

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR...
97. White: A pretty salwar kameez a delighted customer gave to me J
98. Black: half my wardrobe
99. Red: Tee
100. Pink: Nightsuit

Posting this as 100 Truths? Yes. (Weird question)

 

Ok Karan, There you go. You did wake me up from my slumber, and I’ve completed the tag successfully

 

Love,

Devil’s Own

2008: The year gone past

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

I have got myself a machine and access to Internet yet again... finally. :)
There's so much I have to talk about, there's so many things to be said... but i don't know why i feel at a loss of words. I hope i haven't lost my touch. I'm definitely rusty from the idleness, and i hope to recover from this writer's block very soon.

2008 - When we were children, we would think that by this year we'd be living in space age. I for one sure felt that way. But now that we've lived in it and have come even further, it doesn't really feel we're progressing as fast as we imagined.

The last year was very eventful... for the country, the world, and for me.

My first close experience with a terror attack (I was not in it, and was not personally affected by the attack, but knowing that it was happening around me, and watching television as it went on for more than 2 days, as we kept losing so many people to the terrorists as time went by was utterly disturbing. Not going to work because we don't know if there are any terrorists going around the city.. made me a different person in many ways), My first job switch, first recession - and the realization that there can arrive a situation where I'll lose my job, first transfer (within the city, and for better), first flat (no i did not buy one, just took up a rented one... that is a long way to go. Sigh!), first television (now this I did buy :D), First Fraud (that was a big shock), First Roomie fight (don't even get me started on that one), first housemaid hunt, first time that i paid Diwali bonus :D... So many firsts. Extreme highs and extreme lows. But if I look at my life at the end of this year as against in the beginning... it has only changed for better in every way and taught me the ways of life. So far, this has been the most significant year of my life.

I look forward to a good year ahead for each one of us, and to be back in blogosphere.

Regards,
Devil's Own

I shall return...

I can't believe I haven't written a post for over a year! Writer's block- maybe?! I promise myself, that I would be back to blogging by the end of this year :p. Three months... long enough time to get organized and take some time out for something I love doing.

Readers... Thank you for acknowledging the existence of this dormant blog

Will be back in a bit... Got the Flu right now, so signing off for now

Miss you all

Love,

Devil's own

Water water everywhere

My first encounter with the very popular Mumbai rains. Every year I, like many others watched on television with fascination with mumbai monsoons and how people are straddling their way through waist deep water. Didn't know that I would also be doing the same thing in a desperate attempt to go home and get some sleep.

I threw my mammothian bag out the door before the train could start moving and got off the train from chandigarh at the andheri station and looked round.. Home sweet home! People running everywhere like usual, the announcements which indicated the arrivals and departures of the churchgate and borivali locals. The platform was wet and raindrops fell from the roof on my t shirt, so i carefully shifted a little on the inside to avoid my clothes getting wet. Called for a porter since there was no way I could have dragged that bulk of a bag on my own up the stairs and then down and then squeeze through the maddening crowd, all trying to get home or get wherever and also manage to beat so many others to an auto rickshaw. Was humid and drippy everywhere but wasn't raining too much. Reached home, met my landlords, had tea, screamed and hugged and met my roomies and then after unpacking and getting ready, off to work.Kept looking at the glass panes and the water pouring through whatever was visible between the blinds and wishing I was out there. After nine hours, I could finally go there an get wet all I wanted to. Before I went downstairs, I approached the glass panes and stared down at the Mithi river flowing wild as if going after a prey. Some vehicles in the parking lot downstairs had fallen over.. no knee deep water was visible though. So despite advise of many colleagues that I should stay at work and not try to go home, I - the successor of Alexander the great decided I wanted to go home and sleep and would do that no matter what. So the cab started, covered about 60 metres before we arrived in knee deep water and deciding there was no way the cab was going beyond that without getting stuck in the middle of nowhere. I sat and waited for the driver to change his mind. Then he asked me to take the next bus that comes along. I thought.. Hey! I braveheart am going to walk home. Thus began the odessey of 2 hours.. the journey which takes 10 minutes by any cab.
As I walked the water level rose inch by inch.I thought aaaah! my new hidesign bag!!!! But well I couldn't do nethin about it getting wet, i flung open the umbrella.. which kept my hair dry if nothing else. :D people all around on the road, cars/bikes/buses trying to turn around and take some other way. Policemen, civilians were helping people around, standing with sticks to see if there where potholes where anyone could trip and directing people away from them. While i trudged some people asked me "Madam where do you need to go? Find a place to stand for a while and then go later". I thought, well okay let me do that, A policeman looked at my desperate expression and offered to lead me to the petrol station ahead where I could wait for a bit and then move on. He held my hand and started walking, I was trying my best to keep up with his speed in my skirt which was cutting down on my speed (grrrr! couldn't i have work my jeans!). Thankfully I was wearing my 50 buck chappals from linking road, not leather sandals. We reached there and he asked me to wait there for a while. okay, did that for about 5 minutes. But people around me where going ahead towards the same direction I had to walk. Why should I be standing here then? I starting walking too. the water level rose, was in water waist deep. There was a hospital there and the doctor was also standing outside and making a video with his handycam. He advised me to stand on the stairs and let the rain slow down. I did. Every time a bst bus drove down the road at a speed of abt 10 kmph.. which was the highest anyone could have achieved there, a huge wave arose, hit the pavements and splash 6 feet up in the air.Whoa! I was shit scared to start walking now. If another bus came while I was walking I would drown! So I chose to stand there for eternity while also getting impatient and thinking 'I wanna go hoooomee!!'. :( After a while the same policeman who had led me to the petrol station came there. He looked at me and said you are still here? I said yes, how can I walk here? He said okay come let me lead you till there.. he was referring to the place where water level was hardly covering the feet. So he held my hand again and I trudged along.. he realised my nice 50 buck chappals were cutting down my speed and asked me to take them off. I very carefully took off one so that I dint lose it somewhere in the water.The second one came off my foot before i could reach it and I thought nooooooooooo don't go away, and before I could think more, the chappal was floating near my knee :D, so picked it up and there we go again.He left me there and asked me to be careful ahead. I am ever so thankful to him. I dont know what his name was but he helped me a lot and I wouldn't have reached home had it not been for him. If you ever read this.. the chances aren't even one in a million, but Thank You Mr. Policeman! From there I started again, pebbles hurting my feet and some stray plastic bags annoying my feet while the water pressure gave me much needed exercise. But that was hardly a concern.. I wanted to go hhhoooome! A short woman smiled at me as she was also trudging along and joined me. The water level was rising again. The water which was thigh level for me was more than waist deep for her. she kept chatting with me, that was distracting me from the effort I was having to put in, so good enough. The water level sunk again and reduced to about ten inches.. slowly and after much awaiting I was home! My nice landlady made me some tea, I took a shower to get rid of the filthy dirt that was all over me and changed into my nightdress and took the blanket which was lying unused for ages. My food was here and yaaayy! hot yummy aloo paranthas - puurrrfect! Once I finish it I slip into bed pick up my book, read about 5 pages and then drift off into a nice cosy sleep that this whole ordeal was for :)

Hats off to this city that I now call home


Love,

Devil's Own

Back after months! :)

Hoping for hope to die...

Sometimes hope can be a barrier in your life. If hope weren't there you would realize what is actually happening and stand up and take certain decisions. Hope makes you cling to things, which in its absense do/will not make any sense. Hope makes things unclear. It makes you overlook the past and the present and only focus on a miraculous future. Wheareas, rationally thinking, there's no reason or chance that things will happen the way you want. Losing hope hurts... hurts bad... but in one go.. it doesnt make u miserable every now and then..
Once you recover, you become a stronger person..
As Nietszche said "What does not kill me makes me stronger"
When things are going down the drain, hope appears out of thin air for no reason at all and makes you lose perspective. We are only humans, we are weak, we are feeble.. and maybe God gives us hope to put some strength in us to move on.. but it makes you hang on to non-existent things.. which will not help you in the long run.
I guess hope's not all that good.

Give me strength god.. help me

Listen to the song i've been listening to all day today


Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone elses words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun

Pink Floyd - Coming Back To Life

Regards,

Devil's own

The Reason Is You...

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Love this song....

Love,

Devil's Own